Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs. They’re stupid teenage pigs, wanting to grow up so fast, wanting to abandon their beloved mother, wanting to have their own place, so mother would not discover that little shoe box filled with Penthouse magazines under their beds. And so they left with some money they took from mother pig’s dressing table drawer and some cookies baked by poor innocent mummy pork.

The first pig built a house made of straw. How stupid, ever thought about leaks? You’re living in a cow’s lunch! Anyway, straw it is. And so, the big bad wolf comes knocking on the door...

Wolf: little peg, little peg, let me in....

Pig: Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin, I will not let you in!

Wolf: Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your house down!

Of course, the wolf blew the house down and ate the little pig...

The second pig was a little smarter, he built a house using sticks, but he’s no smart enough to think about leaks...or termites. And so, the big bad wolf (who’s still hungry) comes knocking on the door...

Wolf: Little peg, little peg, let me in...

Pig: Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin, I will not let you in!

Wolf: then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and‘ll blow your house down!

Pig: But I used nails!

Wolf: Good point....

And so the wolf kicked the house, and since all sticks are nailed to each other, the whole house went rolling down the hill and crushed Jack and Jill while they were on their way to fetch a pail of water. Of course, he ate the little pig...
The third little pig was like wayy smarter, he took enough from mom’s drawer, bought eggs, rare hens which laid more eggs and set up a business, and so he’s rich enough to afford bricks and cement and such. But the wolf had a little more room left, so he decide to have more pork and comes knocking on the door...

Wolf: Little peg, little peg, let me in...

Pig: Not by the hair of my chinny chin ch—

Wolf: My gawd, you guys should shave...

Pig: never!

Wolf: Shave! No, I mean, let me in!

Pig: Never! What am I, stupid?!

Wolf: Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff...and I’m coming in!

Pig: Good luck!

So the wolf thought about it...

What about the chimney wolf?

Wolf: seriously?

Come on now, the wolf’s smart. He went to the County Recorder’s Office instead, and discovered that the pig never applied for a building permit. And so the third pig got blackmailed. He just had to let him in. So, the wolf went in...

Wolf: nice place you got here... *looks around*

Pig: Thanks...

And as the wolf looked around, the pig pushed him into a boiling pot of water, which happens to just be there, because this is a story and things like this happen... the wolf got cooked, and the pig invited his mom over for dinner.

Do you know the price you’ve gotta pay when you go against nature? When pigs eat wolves instead?

What the third pig didn’t know, Red Riding Hood’s grandma happen to be in the wolf’s tummy, she lives because he swallowed her whole, and her crinkly skin protects her from dissolving in the acidity of his tummy.

Negligence. You should have foreseen that a big bad wolf might have a living grandma trapped in his tummy. The pig went to jail. Manslaughter. There you go, off to jail, and who’s taking care of your mama? That’s right, I’m having ham sandwich now, oh yeah.

For the wolf's side of the story, visit:
http://www.shol.com/agita/wolfside.htm