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Sunday, March 7, 2010

Two Men Walking in the Park

Two men walking in the park, in winter, each wearing a long black coat, black trousers, a pair of black shoes and had their short hair combed back flat. They’re alone there, and nobody had the park in their mind and the bottom of their feet that afternoon. Everything was grey and cold, and only these two white men left animated in the park.


Assassin 1: I got my orders, I have to do this.

Assassin 2: What? You have to bring him in alive or dead?

Assassin 1: Dead. Dead as coal. I could not do it, not this time.

Assassin 2: Why? (Take a bite of an apple) You know this guy?

Assassin 1: Yup. Know him dead right, now, I have to know him dead, for real.

Assassin 2: Family of yours or something?

Assassin 1: Considered him as one not related though.

Assassin 2: You’ve been there before, you can do it again.

Assassin 1: Nope, this guy’s different. I could blow my mother’s head, but not his. He’s covered for me a lot. Don’t think I could live without him...

Assassin 2: Hope you’re talking about a friend as in friend, not more than that or something. Never knew if you’re one, might choke on my apple by the surprise...haha.

Assassin 1: What should I do then?

Assassin 2: Well, does he know what you’re doing for a living?

Assassin 1: Yup.

Assassin 2: You gonna use your working gun?

Assassin 1: Yup.

Assassin 2: Are you gonna tell him or making it a secret? It’s easier if you blow his brains out while he’s having lunch alone or while he’s in a shower or something...

Assassin 1: You think I should tell him?

Assassin 2: Well, if you think he’s not going to go “Shit man! You gonna kill me because boss thought I’mma threat?” That’s gonna end up in a movie one day (Gave the apple another bite)

Assassin 1: Yeah right (Gave a little laugh, even though he found it not funny at all). Killing this good friend of mine is no easy task, like I said, shooting my own mother is easier, it’s like killing your own partner if you’re a cop.

Assassin 2: Rough mission this time, huh? (Ponder on his apple, staring at the trees) Haha, I’m your partner, try shooting me! Imagine that! You’re gonna tell me you’re gonna kill me cause you have to! Amazingly weird!

Assassin 1: HAHAHA! Yeah! Like “Hey man, Boss’s not happy with you, guess I have to blow your brains” HAHAHA...hilarious...

Assassin 2: Yeah...fuh! ...So, are you gonna tell this fellow you’re about to kill him, and that you have to?

Assassin 1: Well...I just did.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

We Should Blame Mona for 2012

Mona is 65 years old. She lives with her evil step-sister, Eva. They don’t have any children, neither a grandchild. Eva is truly evil. She’s always evil. She treats Mona in a bad way. Mona will have to do all the hard work and difficult chores, while Eva sits in garden, drinking expansive tea, in her neat costly clothes, ordering Mona what to do next. Mona, being a nice old lady, wearing rags and all, obeyed. Because I just absolutely hate typing, I am going to have you to picture Mona as Cinderella, OK?

In the tele one day, the both of them saw the Prime Minister announcing some grandma-babysitting contest, which will be held in their town. The goal is to look for an ideal grandma to take care of the Prime Ministers kids when he’s away. Of course, as you have guessed it, Eva gets to enrol herself in the competition while Mona had no choice but to do more house work at home. So, Mona started to feel like as if her life is a waste, and she would not have much time for anything. So she sat at the fire place, and cried, while Eva was in town, filling up her forms.

While Mona was crying her grey hair out, a magical fairy-alien creature with goggle like eyes and green skin, no taller than 3 feet, appeared out of the fireplace. It startled Mona. She tried running away, but by the time she made to the door, we will all be asleep. The fairy-alien creature then said “Not to worry, old female human specimen, I am your fairy-alien companion. I am here to help you because your step-sister has practice some sort of injustice towards you”. Mona began to feel ridiculous about being afraid of the extra-terrestrial creature, and began to trust what she has seen. “Mr. Magic Alien Sir, I really wanted to be in that grandma-babysitting competition, it’s the only way out, for a better life!”

“That’s what I’m here for, Mona.”

The fairy-alien creature took out some sort of a GPS wand, and gave it a wave. Then, Mona found herself in a large tube. The tube was then filled with smoke, suffocating Mona a little. Then, the walls of the tube slide open, and Mona stepped out of it with a neatly pinned hair bun, proper glasses, proper dress and proper choppers teeth. She had proper shoes and a nanny bag filled with supplies.

“I’ll teleport you to town, for the day’s program. There are five grandmothers attending. One of them is your sister. At the end of the day, the children’s vote will be taken for the winner, and the winning grandmother will have a chance of a better life. But beware, by the end of the day, all the neat and proper things you had been given to from the tube will evaporate. So, you must leave before midnight, or your sister will find out and sabotage you”

“Oh fairy-alien creature, thank you ever so much!”

“Just doing my inter-galactic job”. Then, a little spaceship carried Mona away to town, and the fairy-alien teleported to another world to do his duties. At the Prime Minister’s house, four grandmothers are already there when Mona arrived, and Mona gave her already prepared forms. The entire day, they all spent their time baby-sitting the Prime Minister’s children. All grandmothers who were there gave up their intentions and purposes towards the children, while they enjoy the facilities in the house, the bar, Jacuzzi, handsome old mans in the band playing the blues. Eva was enjoying the tv set, ignoring the annoying children and their tea time. Mona on the other hand, spent time with the children, take them for walks, made them cookies, read them stories, watch them on their naps and play game with them, and at the same time, taking care of them n the right way. At the end of the day, the children loved Mona. Before the children give their vote on which contestant was the best baby-sitting grandmother, all five old ladies, the children and the Prime Minister himself sat on the table, ready to have a wonderful dinner. The children kept on talking about Mona and how much they like her. Eva got very jealous. When the clock chimed eleven at night, Mona left the dinner in a hurry, apologizing on the way. When she left the table, she left out her perfect set of fake teeth by accident, but was in a hurry to leave, never bother to turn and take them. She ran and ran until she reached the streets, and whatever she had with her evaporated. So, she returned home, hoping never to be found by the Prime Minister. They all knew that night that Mona is the winner, but their winner is missing. Eva liked that. She liked that because when she returned home, she had Mona locked up in her room, never to come out, as the next day, people were sent out to look for Mona.

“Our search will be difficult. We only know Mona as Mona herself. There are many grandmothers out there. But not to worry, for we have Mona’s set of fake teeth she left back at the house, and we’ll search every grandmother in town base on the fake teeth.” said the Prime Minister. Eva knew she had the chance; she cleared up the whole house for his coming. After searching the whole town, with every grandmother calling themselves Mona, to find the teeth never fit, the last house to stop is Eva’s. At Eva’s, the fake teeth was forced into her gums, by herself. But the children were there, and they knew she wasn’t Eva. So, the youngest one, who has the sharpest hearing, heard Mona crying upstairs. He ran up, and had the door unlocked. Mona came out, and got the teeth to fit. But the upper set was with Eva, so she tossed in the fire. They were all upset, but not for long. Mona had the bottom set, which fits just fine. And so they found Mona. But the teeth Eva tossed in the fire started to prickle and let out smoke. The people in the room started to inhale the smoke, and started coughing out blood. Then, they all drop on the floor and die. When the police found their rotting bodies, they caught up a disease, transmitted through the bodies. The plague then went airborne, and scientist found no cure. Sooner, almost the entire human race was wiped out.

You see, the fairy-alien was not fairy. He’s only an extra-terrestrial being. He and his kind are planning to take over the planet and use its resources. They have to get rid of the dominant species which rule the planet. They studied human kind for millenniums, and have taken The Cinderella Story seriously. They watched every one of us, and found Mona, and her similarities to the story. They knew Eva would react the way she reacted, and so they made such a set of teeth that would bring an incurable plague, for they have studied the human anatomy and found a virus that can destroy all people. And so…the aliens  won. What? Wasn’t what you wanted to hear?